“But you can’t focus on things that matter if all you’ve been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep, you know?”
“I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”
“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. “
“As kids we’re not taught how to deal with success; we’re taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what? “
“I don’t have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, ‘I can’t process it’ well, no, you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know? “
“The first one’s free. The next one goes in your mouth.”
“If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it! Unplug this bastard!’”
“It’s perfect. It’s awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it’s scary.”
“People say it’s lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.”
“I just didn’t believe I was like everybody else. I thought I was unique.”
“I still don’t have all the answers. I’m more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.”
“I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”
“I’m dealing with fools and trolls and soft targets. It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee. I don’t have time for these clowns.”
“I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying’s for fools, dying’s for amateurs.”
“I’m here and I’m ready. They’re not. Bring it.”
“What was she doing with a shrimp fork in her purse?”
“I’m sorry, man, but I’ve got magic. I’ve got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time – and this includes naps – I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground. “
“I’ve spent, I think, close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold.”
“Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them.”
“The Nike slogan doesn’t say ‘Just Try It’.”
“Slash sat me down at his house and said, You’ve got to clean up your act. You know you’ve gone too far when Slash is saying,” Look..you’ve got to get into rehab.”
“The only thing I’m addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent.”
“Uncertainty is a sign of humility, and humility is just the ability or the willingness to learn.”
“What they’re not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.”
“Surprise. That’s what winners do.”
“I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.”
“What’s not to love? Especially when you see how I party, it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards and all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.”
“What you come to discover is, it isn’t how you get there, it’s that you get there. If that’s what it took to get me where I’m at today, so be it.”
“When friends asked me, Can we help? I’d say, Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock. I used that line from Star Wars.”
“You have the right to kill me, but you don’t have the right to judge me. That’s life. There’s nobility in that. There’s focus. It’s genuine. It’s crystal and it’s pure and it’s available to everybody, so just shut your traps and put down your McDonalds, your vaccines, your US Weekly, your TMZ and the rest of it.”
“Boom. I’m winning.”
With that said:
Charlie Sheen is all over the news because he`s a celebrity drug addict, while Andrew Wilfahrt 31, Brian Tabada 21, Rudolph Hizon 22, Chauncy Mays 25, are soldiers who gave their lives this week with no media mention.
Let’s not forget what really matters!
3 thoughts on “The Best Charlie Sheen Quotes”
In the spirit of your website, these quotes are priceless. Sheen is getting through his PTSD in his own way. Fingers crossed he comes out clean on the other side.
True. But most vets dealing with PTSD don’t tend to have 50 million in the bank. But yes, he’s dealing with his problems in his own way.
I’m so over the whole Charlie Sheen thing!
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